Turning Your Inner Chaos Into a Better Life
One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star
Inner chaos is scary. It turns our worlds upside down. It makes us question every belief we’ve held, every decision we’ve taken. It keeps up at night.
Yet chaos is not the enemy. Chaos is simply a symptom that alerts us of a bigger problem: dissatisfaction. Most people go through life trying to please others, living our lives for those around us and not for ourselves. We’ve kept the act for so long that our inner self, finally exhausted of the many chains that we wrap around its neck every day, starts manifesting itself as inner doubts, emotional voids, and a complete sense of discontent. It is this inner chaos that can push us to finally do what we’ve been too scared to do our entire life: live.
Nietzsche described it beautifully when he wrote:
“One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star.”
Chaos essential for change. It is the drive that finally allows you to see yourself honestly and through your own lens. It is the energy that enables you to break the self-imposed chains with which you’ve been strangling your inner self. And while chaos is not enjoyable, it has the potential to birth a dancing star, or a life you’ll finally be proud of, but only if you allow it.
Channeling Chaos
As agonizing as chaos may feel, we need to understand that the pain it causes is essential to move us to action. Our first instinct might be to silence and numb the chaos with anything available: alcohol, nicotine, drugs, etc. Some may choose distractions such as extra work, TV, video games, or sleep. But this type of chaos is begging for action. And while numbing it can make the pain go away momentarily, it will return with a vengeance once you’re sober again. We’re not looking to numb the inner chaos. We want to channel its energy for results.
Start Small
When the force powering the chaos is stronger than anything you’ve ever felt, you may feel tempted to make big changes in your life. However, think of the chaos as an energetic puppy. Unsupervised energy rarely yields positive results. Leave a puppy unsupervised for a few hours, and you’ll return home to find all kinds of surprises on the floor, and there’s 95% chance your best cushions will be history. The same happens with. the unsupervised energy of the inner chaos. It may tempt you to quit your job, sell your house, or even dump your significant other. But once the energy is gone, will you still be satisfied with the decisions you took while under the influence (of the chaos)?
To channel the energy of the chaos you need to start small. Question your first decision of the day. Do I reach for my phone first thing in the morning to check social media or read work emails? What’s my first meal of the day? Something that can truly nurture my body, or do I grab the first edible thing I see? Question your motivation for the things you do. For example, I started questioning why my first “meal” of the day was coffee. It didn’t make me feel better. In fact, it always made me feel worse. It was fuel for my anxiety, and it sky-rocketed my pulse. Yet, morning after morning, I kept choosing coffee. Why? I like the smell… but that’s about it. I don’t enjoy anything else about coffee but its smell. Was that a good enough reason to continue with my awful ways? No. The madness needed to stop.
Keep questioning your every day choices, and slowly move up to bigger things. Learn to use your time better, and use the energy the chaos provides you to start finally asking what you want of life.
Read and Write Everyday
Life is too short to reinvent the wheel. As much as we would like to, we cannot learn everything from first hand experience. Our next best choice is to read from people who have experienced what we hope to experience one day. Look for books that can inspire you. Read biographies of people you admire. Talk to people you admire whenever possible. Once you do, then write about it…
One of the best ways to get to know yourself and what you really want out of life is writing. For me, writing is almost like a dialogue with my inner self. But you must write without filter, without fearing to hurt anybody’s feelings, because ultimately, whatever you write will be for your eyes only. Make writing a daily habit. Make this a date with yourself. You won’t regret it.
“I could not think without writing.” — Jean Piaget
Sticking to a writing schedule is not easy. Thankfully there are many tools out there to help you achieve this goal. My favorite tool by far is 750words.com. This site encourages its users to type 750 words daily, getting badges along the way the more you’re able to stick to this goal (think Fitbit, but with words instead of steps). My favorite part, though, is the stats. Everything you write is analyzed to let you know how you’re feeling, what words you used more often, and your mindset while writing. For me it was a surprise how accurate these stats were, and it helped me realize what was bothering me at the moment, even though my conscious mind didn’t know it at the time.
Just write every day of your life. Read intensely. Then see what happens. Most of my friends who are put on that diet have very pleasant careers.” — Ray Bradbury
If we want to birth a dancing star, as Nietzsche so eloquently put it, we need to use this energy that our inner chaos, or mid-life crisis, is providing us to make better choices and to really start living. Keep looking for what you want, and don’t let your inner self die among trivialities. It will be one of the best decisions you will ever take.
