These 3 Things Are Holding You Back In Life
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“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” — George Bernard Shaw
“WTF am I doing with my life? Where did all my dreams and hopes go?”
You sit and ponder for a minute. You sip your coffee pensively. Then, overwhelmed by the sheer vastness of your question and the improbability of an answer, you go back to binge watching “The Cicada Games.”
But this question never goes away. We can distract it for a while. We can dupe it with all sorts of diversions. But in the end, it always comes back to haunt us, and the longer it waits to reappear, the stronger its bite.
However, before you can attempt a coherent answer to this question, you must find out what has been keeping you from living your potential.
Fear and Its Many Shapes
“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” — Colin R. Davis
Fear of failure — or atychiphobia — is one of the most common fears. A recent survey revealed that fear of failure afflicts 31% of adults, a larger percentage than fear of spiders, being home alone, or even the paranormal.
And although this fear is so common, few people are willing to admit to it.
One of the key signs of fear of failure is refusal to try new things. People who are afraid to fail will only try new things if success is guaranteed. Otherwise, they rather save face and not try at all. One experiment found that people afraid of failure will set their ambitions on either extreme of the spectrum — very high or very low. Low ambitions are easy to meet, which guarantees success. Extraordinarily high ambitions are almost impossible to meet, which means they will be judged kindly by others if they’re not met, thus saving humiliation.
People struggling with this fear will often hide behind a wall of excuses or claims of perfectionism.
If you see yourself in this picture, sometime all we need is a change of perspective. Failure is NOT a disaster. Rather, it’s an opportunity to learn, reframe, and re-try. The people whose success you admire are standing on a pile of several failures. You cannot succeed without a few — maybe numerous — failures under your belt. The more times you fail, the closer you are to success.
Poor Time Management Skills
Poor time management can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety. And although we’re all aware of death and its imminent nature, few people respect time as the precious limited resource it is.
Here are a few signs you might need to improve your time management skills.
You’re Constantly Procrastinating
“While we waste our time hesitating and postponing, life is slipping away.” — Seneca
The procrastinator deceives himself into thinking time is limitless. There will always be time to get things done. And when the deadline is upon him, he claims he’s more productive under pressure. Meanwhile, anxiety, stress,guilt, and perhaps high-blood pressure are eating him away.
There’s really no easy way to beat procrastination, especially if this has been your way of life for a while. However, prioritizing tasks is the first step to take to beat this demon. List the things you need to get done for the day, tackle the most difficult ones early in the day while you still have energy, and make your way through the list as the day goes by. You’ll soon find that crossing items off this list is almost as satisfying as peeling plastic off a new device.
You’re Easily Distracted
Distractions are procrastination’s ugly mistress. Even when you’re trying hard not to procrastinate, a distraction — usually in the form of a chime — will drag you back to your procrastinating ways. Or sometimes a simple thought pulls you away from your task.
If you know you’re easily distracted, identify your biggest distractors and hide from them. It won’t be easy, but then again, nothing worth having ever is.
You Can’t Say No
Distractions are procrastination’s ugly mistress. Even when you’re trying hard not to procrastinate, a distraction — usually in the form of a chime — will drag you back to your procrastinating ways. Or sometimes a simple thought pulls you away from your task.
If you know you’re easily distracted, identify your biggest distractors and hide from them. It won’t be easy, but then again, nothing worth having ever is.
Bad Habits
“The quality of our lives often depends on the quality of your habits” — James Clear
If you feel stuck in life, take a look at your habits. Good habits make time your ally. Bad habits make time your enemy.
According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, in order to change our habits we need to change our identity, the way we perceive ourselves. If you’re trying to quit smoking and you’re offered a smoke, you can choose the be the person who’s trying to quit smoking, or you can view yourself as a non-smoker. The non-smoker identity will be more sucessful in resisting the smoke.
You cannot change bad habits just by wishing them away, or even by creating a strict routine where only “good” habits are allowed. Unless you change your identity, you will not follow through and your old identity will sabotage your new one because actions are driven by beliefs and behaviors that are incongruent with the self will not last.
As the author proposes, everytime you’re about to engage in a “bad” habit, ask yourself,
Does this behavior help me become the type of person I wish to become?
In order to change your identity, remember:
“The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader.
The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner. ‘
The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.”
When your behavior and your identity are fully aligned, you are no longer pursuing behavior change. You are simply acting like the type of person you already believe yourself to be.
If you identify yourself with any of these behaviors, don’t give up! There’s still time to go after your dreams. The sooner you start, the better!
Keep on thriving, and happy living!
