My Addiction is Killing Me
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
I’m not addicted to drugs. I’m not addicted to alcohol. I’m addicted to something much worse — I’m addicted to thinking. And when there’s not enough thinking to go around, then I start overthinking, which is the fentanyl of the thinking world.
My situations would be great if my overthinking meant reasonable thinking. Heck, I’d be smarter than Einstein if my overthinking involved any sort of reason. But sadly all my overthinking is strategically colored by emotions. If the emotions coloring the thoughts were the sunny, yellow, refreshing sort of emotions, I’d be out there, handing out happiness to the world Oprah style. But my overthinking is powered by the dark, heavy, slimy emotions that roam the dingy alleys of my head. So instead of being Einstein, or handing out happiness, I’m in bed, pillow over head, telling myself that today I will not cry.
If you can identify with this sad and helpless scenario, please know that I’m not here to give you advice. If I had any advice to give, I wouldn’t be stuffing my face with chocolate at the moment… while in bed. I simply wrote this so you know you’re not alone. Sometimes the feeling of loneliness can intensify the overthinking, which can intensify the misery and the anxiety.
I’ve been an overthinker my entire life. I had bouts of OCD when I was younger. Now I just have sporadic panic attacks (Yay for improvement!) But what I do have now is high blood pressure prompted by anxiety. So I’m still climbing the hill, and it just doesn’t get easier.
Is there anything that has helped you manage your anxiety? Please let me know!